sleep

i think i'm on to something -- if this is not a fluke, i'd say it's a breakthrough.

 

for the past two days i've been sleeping at around 11pm, three hours earlier than my usual bedtime. it started when i had oprah's show in the background while i was tinkering with some sketches. the show was about human internal organs, and later about how the body heals itself. i didn't pay much attention to the part where they show and compare the sickly organs with the healthy, normal ones. but the latter speaker discussed the body's innate ability to heal itself, and he mentioned meditation.

 

"the key to meditation is to pay close attention to yourself -- your body, emotions, and thoughts...", says the doctor whose name i can't remember.

 

it then occured to me how long it has been since i last practiced meditation. in my college years, we meditate before and after martial arts training. i was not insomniac then.

 

and so i stowed my pencil and sketch book, did a little stretching, and forced my body to assume the meditation position taught to us by our sensei. the discomfort didn't last, the familiar kneeling stance was soon recognized by my body as it settled peacefully after a short while.

 

my emotions told me of the fears and anxieties that i refuse to acknowledge and confront. it complained of being ignored as i bury myself with work, drawing, gaming, and many other things that keep me numb and pre-occupied...

 

i heard my emotions loud and clear, and just knowing what they are seemed to have rid my head of a terrible burden.

 

but my body suddenly told me that it's sleepy. that i have to rest my eyes and let my shoulders fall, and that my mind needs to rest as well, and allow it to dream a little longer.

 

i slept soundly right after that short mediation, and woke up two hours earlier than usual, with more bounce and vigor. i usually get that kind of energy level only after my first mug of brewed coffee for the day.

 

it's been like this for two days now. less drawing and gaming, but someday i'll figure out how to pull them neatly together in a manageable schedule. but for now, i need to sleep...