Version 2.0

There will never be another Chester Bennington. Ever.

But I almost cried when I heard Linkin Park 2.0.  

Mike Shinoda was right to follow his guts about Emily Armstrong.

I'm glad the band lives on to continue making their brand of sound.

And what a joy to hear their old songs. 

Different power, same intensity.

All Linkin Park.

***

Thanks, Eraserheads.

Got to slow dance with me wifey to your Huling El Bimbo.

***

September is shaping up to be an interesting one.

Two amazing comebacks in just a month.

Wifey asked me if I could do something similar.

I dunno.

I only see these sorts of reunions in either movies or showbiz.

For an average guy like me, I could only dream.

Real life rarely comes up with version 2.0 

49!

Thank you for the love. Even if it's challenging. Even if we're far apart. We're adulting, I agree. We will prevail. We will strive to work towards being together again.

Thank you for family.

Thank you for friends. Near or far. Remembered or forgotten. Easy or awkward. To the very few. To the ones I lost, and found. To old and new. I sincerely ask forgiveness to all I have wronged. To those who stayed, I am forever grateful.

Thank you for the health. 

I'm on the road to 50. 

Thank you for everything.

I want these back

I can't recall the last time I doodled, and out of nowhere, this came out today during our flag ceremony.

Okay, maybe not out of nowhere. I was doodling this while telling myself to cut down on playing MMORPGs and do something I used to do.

Aside from doodling, I used to:

- Work out

- Comb my hair more

- Read books continuously

- Maintain a journal

I am getting all these back. Now.

Dream sequence

I saw them see me, and one of them said "shit" and tried to change course and look away.

Too late. I said "Hi."

What a weird dream. I woke up feeling sad.

***

Hospitals. I don't want to be anywhere near them.

But here we are, rushing through the halls to get medicines and medical supplies from all over the city, trying to stay calm and collected despite that dreadful fear of losing the fight. 

If we lose, there will be one empty seat at the family table this Christmas.

But, come to think of it, has anyone ever won this fight?

🙏

Voices

Last night, I dreamed of voices. In that dream, I see nothing -- not even darkness. As if my eyes never existed.

Only voices.

And one rose above the rest. A voice I know so well.

"Help me."

Glitchy

I would rather forget than have false memories.

Some memories were clear in my head. My senses can even recall them.

But they were wrong -- jumbled, mixed up, twisted...

Imagined.

In short, wrong.

I may like them, but I don't want them.

I don't know why I have them and why there are so many of them.

I should write more.

Take pictures and videos more.

Anything.

Just to have real memories.

48

August 29.

Heineken in my right hand, Amsterdam's  Mango Haze Mix in my left, a box of Amnesia Kush Space Cookies on the table, my colleague seated across it, chilly Rotterdam night air in the lovely gardens of Novotel Schiedam.

It was evening in Netherlands when my birthday came. We spent that day enjoying the sights (and smell haha) of Amsterdam. 

When the red light district opened, I spoke with two ladies behind the glass window. The first one looked like Meg Ryan, and I asked her about the rates. The second one looked like a Filipina so I went to ask her if she is, and learned that she's Italian.

For my birthday celebration, I bought cookies and pre-rolled joint from Amsterdam, and a Heineken six-pack from Dirk's. 

They were great. I kinda wish these stuffs are legal in the PH, and people here would be cool and calm enough to enjoy them in peace -- no fuss, no drama. 

Anyway, it's great to be 48, and I thank the heavens for the life, love, and lessons 🙏

Finding the One -- a throwback

Over three years ago...

 

She's not my first choice. I was initially looking at Giant's line of mountain bikes -- because some of the people I know own one, and they seem satisfied with it. Trek was a second choice because some of my officemates already used them.

But it was the height of the COVID-19 pandemic and bicycle boom -- popular brands like Giant and Trek were hard to find.

I learned about the Merida brand from a long-time bike vlogger Ian How. One of his bikes is a Merida, so I thought, "If this guy rides this brand of bike in his amazing long rides, it must be a dependable bike."

I was pleasantly surprised to find plenty of Merida MTBs for sale at the Facebook Marketplace. One seller was selling a Merida Big Seven 200 at a lower price (at that time) than the other sellers. After researching the model and specs, I was convinced she was the one. I contacted the seller and closed the deal.

On July 22, 2020, online seller Ms Yvonne and her husband delivered her to the office. 

And so began my bike adventures 😊

N+1... nah

There will always be something better.

Pero I'm happy na with what I have 😊

An MTB, a roadie, and a foldie that's also a minivelo.

I'm good.

Meri (Merida Big 7 200). My super dependable, all-around fun travel buddy

Iska (Merida Scultura 100). Patiently waiting for me to do the AUDAX and triathlon 😆 The fastest and lightest bike I've ever owned.

Ani (Doppelganger FX02 RTY). My hardworking, worry-free, everyday commuter buddy. You are meant to be the sacrificial workhorse, but I will dress you up soon.

Friendship

Source: Ralph Breaks the Internet

My dreams, as told by ChatGPT

In the tapestry of my dreams, a vision brightly gleams,

Where worlds of ink and melody blend in vibrant streams,

I yearn to write a manga, a tale of wondrous art,

Unfolding magic and emotions from the depths of my heart.

With notes that dance like stars, a song I'll soon compose,

A symphony of passion, where every feeling flows,

And on the strings of destiny, I'll play a serenade,

The guitar's sweet harmony, a melody well-played.

In front of countless eyes, beneath the starry sky,

I'll give a grand performance, a moment to glorify,

With song and dance entwined, I'll seize the shining stage,

And in the hearts of many, my story shall engage.

But beyond the fame and applause, my journey's not in vain,

For I'll pen my life's memoirs, a legacy to remain,

Each chapter filled with laughter, with struggles, and with tears,

A testament to courage that perseveres through fears.

And when the final curtain falls, and I embrace the end,

I'll rest with peace and solace, my heart forever on the mend,

For in my dreams, I longed to leave a world transformed,

A better place for my loved ones, where their spirits are warmed.

I'll cherish every moment, with love and joy to share,

To leave a mark of kindness, a legacy that's rare,

In the tapestry of my dreams, these visions now entwine,

A life well-lived, a soul fulfilled, a legacy divine.

Forward

I was told it's going to be addicting.

He's right.

I'm loving the discomfort. It keeps my brain from asking too many questions.

If there's one thing I learned these past few years, it is that the answers will never come.

Just let go.

And keep running forward.

High school

For me, high school was the best time of my single life. But, whatever cohesive force our batch had in the past is no longer there.

In this year's Ati-atihan, no one mentioned anything about a get-together.

Or maybe I distanced myself so well that I have no idea what's going on 🤣 Or maybe everyone's just busy to think about anything like that.

Still, deep inside I wish all of our batchmates get together again. 

All of us.

Reel wisdom

Amazing how the right words come when I don't even know I need them...

"The hardest pill I had to swallow this year:

Just let things be,

Let people go,

Don't fight for closure,

Don't chase the answers,

And don't expect an explanation."

- Let Things Be, by @creatingwonders

Aging

"I don't want to get old."

It's that persistent voice in my head again, and it gets really loud every time I'm around old folks.

I hope someday this voice shuts up. 

For now, I use it to scare myself into getting in shape and staying healthy -- watch my caloric intake and cholesterol level, get more sleep, aim for work-life balance, get some cardio, etc.

I don't mind aging, I just pray I stay healthy for as long as I can.

Fact or fiction

Last night, I stumbled upon a chance to quantify how much my memory has deteriorated.

I recounted a rather memorable event with my LARGA PH teammates, as simply as I can from my top-of-mind memory, and compared it later to how I wrote about that event here.

It's not looking good. I was only able to accurately recall less than half of the details described in the journal. 

What's worse, I have memories now of details that were not previously mentioned, like that's driver's wife.

How can I tell if my mind is not inventing those missing details now? 

Without my notes, photos, journal entries, or videos, my memory is not something I could count on anymore.

So yes, dear friends, I'm not joking about Memo Plus Gold.

Paalam

Paalam, Grace aka Ash, Gray, Grasya.

Your journey on earth was short, but I hope it was a happy one. Run free in doggy heaven. We'll play again someday.

I will miss you so dearly. 

Learn how to help... properly

On my way back from Kaybiang Tunnel, I saw a male biker pushing his female companion. She looked completely bonked out.

As I watched them from behind, I thought it was a chivalrous effort. But I got worried when I noticed the guy was not steady with his bike control, and it looked like he was just as tired. 

As he gave one mighty push, his bike swerved and tangled with his companion's. They fell down hard.

The guy had no visible injury, but the girl had a long scrape on her leg. Good thing they had alcohol. I forgot my first aid kit so I can only briefly check on them and proceed on my way.

I tried pushing a teammate once while ascending to Antipolo, but only very briefly and with minimal effect. It was definitely not easy, and something to avoid if you're also tired, or unsteady with bike handling.

Instead of performing the push, I would prefer to just take a break.

Flaws

Yesterday I almost bought a ukulele. I've already added two Wagas and two Clifton ukuleles to my cart for comparison. I've gotten to my final option -- a Clifton concert -- and ready to checkout.

When I decided to play guitar songs on Youtube.

I realized I still have a guitar, and I haven't even gotten better playing it.

Moved the ukulele to Like, and checked out some small, bike-related items.

***

I was interviewed by a vlogger yesterday, and proudly announced that experience among my close circle.

Then I realized... no one needs to know about that interview.

It has nothing to do with them, with anyone, because I failed to make anyone a part of it, except that one person who occupies my entire being even without my morning coffee. It's that typical top-of-mind response of a caffeine-deprived mind, sort of like an autopilot.

Ah, Leo... excuses, excuses.

Just stop. You failed. Plain and simple. There's nothing fun about it, and thus nothing worthy of sharing. It's purely for your personal trip.

***

Two mistakes, one character flaw.

I managed to avoid the first one, but failed miserably with the other.

Much to re-learn.

Especially keeping my defenses up.

All. The. Time.

There's always a proper time to share. Too much is always not a good thing.

Before it's too late

This is an old, ever-recurring thought I have in my head: life is fleeting.

My new hobby (or escape) and this pandemic brought this thought up there in my mind's top spot.

If my time to go comes, what happens to all my thoughts? My feelings? My ideas?

Gone.

I wonder...

How many thoughts, feelings, and ideas are lost every day?

Should I put mine somewhere?

Should I tell anyone? 

...

...

....

...

I did. I did tell someone. Once. A long time ago.

It was a bad idea.

So... 

I'll put it somewhere, then.

Maybe right here.

***

Last September 11, on my way to Tagaytay, I had my first bike semplang (crash). A cargo truck was parked at the side of the road somewhere on Aguinaldo Highway. Before I passed at the left side, I checked the rear for any oncoming vehicle. Seeing none, I made the pass and began accelerating.

I didn't notice that one of the nylon cords hanging at the side of the truck got tangled at the right tip of my handlebar. I was already picking up speed when the cord yanked my handlebar to the right, sending me flying forward straight to the concrete.

I broke my fall using both hands (thank goodness for the gloves), but the impact sprained my left wrist. I was fortunate that there was no vehicle behind me, and that my body went on autopilot to crawl immediately to the sidewalk. The cargo truck's crew members were also quick to secure my bike and check up on me.

I would have wanted to visit a lot of places in Tagaytay, but since I couldn't use my left hand fully, I ended my itinerary at the Tagaytay Rotonda, and slowly made my way back to Makati.

My virtual teammates were the first ones to know about what happened, and I thank them for their care and concern -- it really is heartwarming to receive "how are yous" and "get well soons". 🙏

Ride safe and stay safe, everyone!

I'm always thankful for the higher power that's been keeping me safe throughout my life. At age 46, I never had a major injury, and I pray it stays that way. Thank you, Lord. 🙏

***

The freakiness of that semplang made me acutely aware of my mortality, thus, this urge to reflect about what to do with the things happening in my head... and soul.

Maybe I should just learn to be at peace with the reality that some things, thoughts, and feelings are not meant to be known by anyone else.

Yes. I should.

Before it's too late and I make the same mistake I did long ago.

#