June 23, 2004

temptation...

it occured to me just now how much bladed weapons i keep in my possesion and in my surroundings. in my bag i have a swiss knife and a balisong (fanblade). in my pocket is a switchblade. in my office drawer is another balisong. in my pc desk at home is another switchblade. finally, in my bedroom i keep the rest of my collection: three balisongs of different designs, a swiss knife, and a penknife. let's see... that's a total of ten knives. i have more stashed in my home province.
 
collecting knives has been a lifelong fascination. it started when i was growing up in the provinces. babies like me (half-batangeuno, half-aklanon who just moved in from the city) were especially susceptible to aswang attacks. for protection, i wore an assortment of charms and talismans. to complete my defenses, my mother gave me a dagger made of pure copper -- the only metal that can inflict serious damage to aswangs. until i went to highschool, this dagger was under my pillow when i sleep, and in my bag when i walk to and from school.
 
maybe when i get a place of my own (not a rented apartment), i can finally move on to longer blades like the kris and daikatana. until then, i stick to handy pocket knives.
 
i never look forward to actually using them on others, or on myself (and not just for peeling apples). the one in my pocket is there as last option. i've gotten so used to them that i hardly notice their presence. it's only now that they seem to have leapt out of their hiding places, screaming for my attention -- longing to be used...
 
tempting...
 
waaahahahaha! i'm going crazy...

June 10, 2004

on Life's lessons and moving on...

there is always a price for everything...
in the lull moments in between problems come the joys of freedom and the chance to indulge in life's simple pleasures, albeit brief. and in those lull moments i take the chance to check the integrity of my shields for the storms that Life throw our way in the most unexpected times.
this time, though, i have neglected my shields. i have spread myself too thin, falling short of addressing the things that matter the most and carry great consequences.
i have yet to see what price i'll have to pay for this. but, as always, the assurance is there that what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.
***
my pRO merchant chanced upon another who was selling emperium at a ridiculously low price. i thought my sin would look cool if i place an emblem below his name. so now my sin is a guildmaster of Legion of X (i dunno yet why i chose this name). :D
but this is not about the guild. what struck me is that most of my pRO friends have either moved to another server, or completely gave up playing. i was too busy leveling up to even notice they're no longer there.
and so aside from a guild with only the master in it, this whole incident left me with a thought of those who come and go in our lives, however brief, lasting, shallow or profound. here lies the thrill of looking forward to life -- the chance of crossing paths with them again.
the ones i hold close will never be lost, wherever they are. to the ones who keep me in the graces of their friendship, however i unintentionally ignore, hurt, or neglect them, you have my eternal gratitude. :D

June 08, 2004

focus...

yet another morning is wasted on tasks left undone because of other people's shortcomings (oooh ate ana is sooo pissed off about ces). the seminar is less than a week away and i still know hoot what to talk about, much more discuss in a panel. *imminent panic coming on*
 
but i'm not completely faultless. distractions abound my head the moment i wake up. problems in my own life scream for my attention in every lull moment in between work, school, and other people's problems.
 
focus...